The Denominations Make a Hallmark Movie

The Breakdown in Presbyterian Pines

Be having some trouble. Can I help? Yes, I'm Sally Deepwater and I'm on my way to the Southern Baptist Convention. My car stopped and I don't know what to do. I just have to get there. I'm a messenger from Generic Baptist Church.

Well you couldn't have found a nicer place to break down in Sally Deepwater. My name is Jedediah Sprinkle and this is Presbyterian Pines, a superior small town. I know a little bit about cars and I can tell it's going to take at least a day to get the parts that you need from the Big Eva Multiplex Mega Church Mini Mall and Auto Parts Emporium over in Big City.

Presbyterian Distinctives and Denominational Types

So since you have time, why don't you let me take you down to Squirrelly Joe's and warm you up with a great cup of coffee. This town is so interesting. Is everyone here? Yes Sally, we're all Presbyterian, but that doesn't mean we're all the same.

Like look, there's Brother Joel. He is Orthodox Presbyterian. They're very serious and they hardly ever laugh, but they love to read. Hi Brother Joel. And there's Hendrick. He's Associate Reform Presbyterian.

He's a good old boy. He really enjoys psalm singing and drinking sweet tea. Greetings Brother Hendrick. And there's Lyle. Lyle's PCUSA. He's very progressive and most of the things he does and says just makes the rest of us furious.

CREC, Newcomers, and the Towns They Build

Who are those people in the distance drinking beer and singing psalms? Oh them, yeah. That's the CREC. They're new around here. Some of our people don't really think they belong here, but that's okay.

They're working on.

Their own town up in Idaho. Listen Sally, we've been talking for hours and I just.

Love Across Denominational Boundaries

Feel a deep connection with you. Do you think this could be love? Jedediah, I know what I feel for you in my heart, but we're from two different worlds. It will never work. I'm a Deepwater and you're a Sprinkle.

I'm so sorry. But Sally, didn't you hear my excellent treatise on Superior Theology? I love you and I know you would love it here in Presbyterian Pines. I, I love you too, but I just can't.

Baptizing the Babies and Wedding the Couple

Sally, don't go. I will marry you on one condition. Name it, Sally Deepwater. You have to baptize our babies. You know I will. Can I get lipstick on me? One more time. It's good. That's better. And singing psalms.

You put your finger in front of your face. Where should I do it?

Down here? You can use your other hand. Shut up. I'm a little, I'm, I'm, I'm. Who are those people in the.

Distance? Why are you doing it like this? Don't do it for your face. Oh, for love. Oh, for love. REC, run! Here, they're the Vandals and the Visigoths.