Denominations Discuss Valentine's Day

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Also, by Dominion Wealth Strategists. Watch this video to the end to see how they can serve you. I want to welcome you all back to our denominational meeting. Valentine's Day is this week, so I just wanted to see what we all had planned.

Paula White and the White House Faith Office

Hey, did you guys hear that Paula White is the new head of the White House Faith Office? No, you are not derailing this conversation right off the bat. We are here to talk about Valentine's Day. Oh, I know, I just wanted to see if you guys thought that she might be my valentine.

Bro, I think she's married. Yeah, like three times. So you're telling me there's a chance. Can we move on please? Does anyone else have some Valentine's Day plans? We're so excited because we're going to be hosting a Valentine's Diversity Dinner, where only relationships that are not heteronormative are going to be invited to attend, like same-sex couples and polyamorous polycules.

What's a polycule? Oh, that's what they call their multi-partner units. It's cute because it almost rhymes with molecules. Okay, Methodist is hosting dinner with the damned. What else we got? Hey guys, check it out.

Big Eva's Valentine Date Night Service

Now, you know at the Big Eva Multiplex, Mega Church, and Mini Mall, we have 27 different services over our nine campuses. Friday night, we're going to dedicate the service to a Valentine's Date Night, and during the service, we're going to have a 50-foot cupid lowered down onto the stage, filled with people dressed like cherubs who are going to be shooting Nerf arrows into the audience while our worship team sings Meat Loaf's, I Would Do Anything for Love.

Are you really going to have a 50-foot cupid float? Hey man, if you love Jesus, you're going to have a 50-foot cupid float in your worship.

Service.

Are you at least going to give the gospel and call people to repentance? Well, as Meat Loaf said, I would do anything for love, but I won't do that. Well, I'd just like to say how happy I am to see so many young men leaving your churches and coming back to the one true apostolic church.

It makes me feel like the prettiest girl at the Valentine's Day dance. Just so you know, they are not all running to you. Some of them have realized that we are the true apostolic church. Careful boys, I'd hate to have to see you anathematize each other... again.

The One True Church and the Authorized Version

What's this about being the one true church? Because I got some thoughts about that myself. Yeah, me too. You can't be the one true church unless you're using the authorized version of the Bible. Yeah, but who authorized that again?

Guys, this is supposed to be about Valentine's Day, not an argument over who has the best.

Church.

Of course not. Because we all know who that would be. Hashtag Superior Theology.

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